Uncertain- April 7, 2012
May 8, 2012
Dear Sam,
I have a friend that I enjoy being with, but mostly it's on her terms. She cancels out, she's very picky about what to do, she's too weak to do untried, unexpected things. I guess she's needy, but at the same time very controlling. I know if I confront her with these things she will be hurt, confused and resentful of me. Can we really be friends under these conditions?
Uncertain
Dear Uncertain,
I guess it depends on whether it is more important that you be her friend than it is that she be yours. There are lots of different kinds of relationships, and although your “buts” seem to cancel out the positives, it sounds like you do want to continue being with her. In order to become more certain about this, think about what you offer her and whether it has benefits to her – not to you, but to her. You don't want the benefit to her to be that she can use and abuse you, but if you bring consistency and commitment into her life, it may be that this is just what she needs. We are all needy in one way or another, so don't expect that friendship can only mean the connection of two independent, complete human beings. In this Lenten Season we consider that Christ died for us while we were yet sinners. Why? Because he is more concerned about what he can offer us than with what we offer him. We are disobedient, selfish, weak-willed , etc, etc. Yet God keeps being available, understanding, dependable. If your other friendships are based on more mutuality, maybe this is one in which you can learn to give when there is little return. Friendships are optional, so don't you be so needy that you feel compelled, but if you can approach her with a true sense of generosity, it can be good for both of you.
INSIDE THE ISSUE is authored thru Resurrection Lutheran Church, 250 Quarry Rd. Pembroke.
Easter Sunrise Service at 8:00am. http://sites.advancedministries.com/ResurrectionLutheranChurch
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