Beaten Down- March 24, 2012
May 8, 2012
Dear Sam,
I'm really disappointed in myself because there are so many things that I don't understand and can't do. I watch other people be smart and capable and I feel so dumb. I thought God would help me, but he doesn't. My son is constantly criticizing me for getting things wrong even when I think I'm doing ok, and I would just like him to be proud of me. How can I improve?
-Beaten Down-
Dear Down,
I can feel the beating you are taking, and it hurts. First of all, your letter is so general that it's hard to know what the issues are that are causing you such distress. But maybe the issue is that you are generalizing and believing your own illusion about yourself. Or maybe your son's illusion about you. If your goal is to make your son proud of you, you may be barking up the wrong tree. His ability to be proud of you will have to come from him, not from you. Your ability to be proud of you will have to come from you, not from him. In other words, you are each responsible for your own attitudes.
Can you specify to yourself which things you want to become more proficient in? When you do this you may begin to clarify and become realistic. Are you expecting to become an expert in every field?
Our expectations often need to be brought to light and evaluated. God may actually be helping you by challenging you to become more knowledgeable about yourself: what is really going on with you. Just because you feel dumb doesn't mean you are. Just because you don't know everything and can't be a geek at everything doesn't mean you are dumb. How would God encourage us to need and make use of each other if we could isolate ourselves and manage everything alone?
You are in a very weak and vulnerable position right now, and that means that you easily pick up the cues and curses that are foisted on you. I'll bet you are more confused, tongue-tied and incapable when your son is around. That's what he is expecting, and you are caught in his trap. People do this to each other more than we realize. Maybe you are expecting him to be disrespectful, and he is falling into your trap. Round and round it goes.
It wouldn't hurt for you to find a pastor, counsellor or godly friend who could help you to unravel this very destructive pattern.
If you really want God to help you then you might begin by trusting that he has made you perfect in his sight. Perfect does not mean independent, or without need. It means that you will fit perfectly into his plan. His plan is to create a body of people who will each have gifts to give, who will delight in receiving what others can give, and who honour the whole process of cooperating with him in becoming all we can be, without having to be all, all by ourselves. God's plan is that we believe his goodness, not our feelings, or the feelings others try to sadle us with. If you improve in this one, difficult aspect, I promise that things will change. You asked God to help, and he is setting before you that help. Receive it.
INSIDE THE ISSUE is authored thru Resurrection Lutheran Church, 250 Quarry Rd, Pembroke. Sunday Worship at 10:30am. http://sites.advancedministry.com/ResurrectionLutheranChurch
|
