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I have a friend who always pushes me to complain. She asks leading questions about problems in my marriage, at work or whatever we are talking about. I usually try to stay optimistic, and if there are problems I'm choosy about who I confide in. I'm afraid to talk to her about this because she'll just make a problem out of it. What should I do?
Uncomfortable
Dear Uncomfortable,
It sounds as if you are really paying attention to your own feelings and able to detect what is going on around you. Good for you! This has a lot to do with a general perspective on life. Some people look for problems because they see life that way. Clearly you do not. That means that the two of you are on different wavelengths. No one can make you act a certain way. You make the choice each time she draws you into complaint and pessimism. Since you have recognized this, you can set yourself before each encounter to remain positive and be true to your own way of thinking. Perhaps having a few phrases handy will help you to counter her negativity. In response to leading questions, you might say: “Sure things aren't perfect, but I am trusting that God is working things out well in my life.” (Romans 8:28) Or tell her that you know that God has a plan for you, and that you trust he has a bigger perspective than you do. (Jeremiah 29:11) You might even want to tell her that you are working on not complaining and on being thankful in all situations. (Philippians 2:14-15; 1 Thessalonians 5:18) Ask her to respect your plan to stop the negativity and increase your trust in God. You cannot change other people, but you can change yourself. In this way, you can be a positive influence in both your friend's life and your own.
