Kind of Confused
January 17, 2018
Dear Sam,
I am kind of confused by someone I know who comes across as quiet and weak. But I’m beginning to realize how controlling she is because she is “teaching” me to be very careful about what I say and what I would like from our friendship. She gets hurt so easily that I’m always afraid and guilty. How can a person be so weak and so strong at the same time?
Now, if I decide not to get together with her so much, I fear a retaliation because I think she talks about all the people that have been mean to her. What should I do? I don’t want to be a bad person, but I also don’t want to be manipulated in such a sneaky way.
Confused
Dear Confused,
It is no fun feeling confused, afraid, controlled or guilty. It is so hard to deal with this kind of individual as it seems they do not have a good sense of self-esteem or of reality.
It may be that she is wounded from a variety of past hurts or disappointments. Or it could be a manipulative personality or trait they have developed. How can we know?
If you can invest time and care into this friendship, be careful and be honest about how much time you can give her. It may be hard to be honest but add a lot of empathy and compassion with it. Try to control and limit your visit times and frequency.
Romans 12:18, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.”
We need to try and live in peace with everyone, “if it is possible”. Sometimes it is difficult to do this, so we have to avoid the situation or person.
If you cannot invest time or energy into this friendship, as it is too draining, then maybe you can get her connected with someone else who may have a similar interests or commonalities. Or a group or club that may be fun for this individual.
If you cannot give her as much time as she wants (demands) have no fear about what she tells others, as all the other people she would talk to probably know what kind of a person she is. They will probably not take her complaints too seriously.
We need to try to see all people as God does, as little children. However, this is easier when we have become a parent and grandparent or an aunt or uncle. When we have a little child that we care for we can better understand how God sees us and loves us all. We all have unique habits, hang-ups or character traits. We are all learning, growing and dealing with issues.
John 15:11 - 12, “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”
God wants us to love each other and help each other, especially those in need. Sometimes we, ourselves, can help and sometimes we can help by putting them in touch with someone more qualified to be of aid.
The Good Samaritan did not hesitate to get off his donkey and help someone in need. No questions asked. No qualifications. Just do it. Just help. But the Good Samaritan couldn’t do everything so he made sure to get the needy person connected to the help he needed.
Luke 10: 30 – 35 tells us this story of “The Good Samaritan”.
John 13: 34 - 35,“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
Most of all we need to be loving and caring. But we also need to be honest with ourselves and with others about what we can and cannot do.
I hope this helps.
Sam.
INSIDE THE ISSUE is authorized through Resurrection Lutheran Church, 250 Quarry Rd., Pembroke, K8B 1A6. Questions and comments invited at: resluth@hotmail.com
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