Really Mad- February 19, 2011
June 5, 2011
Dear Sam,
I just can't believe the nerve of some people! My friend heard about some plans for a trip I wanted to take, planned the very same trip, and asked the other friend I was going to ask. Now the two of them are going, I'm left out and have no one to go with even if I did go. I'm ready to spit. Should I say something, ignore it, or just beat her up?
-Really Mad-
Dear Mad,
It would make me mad too. Are you sure this happened specifically because she heard of your plans? It would make a difference if it were just a coincidence. Pretty amazing coincidence, though. Things happen in life that cross the line of decency, and we have choices about how to respond. This is so personal and hurtful that you would be wise to zero in on yourself and the kind of human being you want to be. No matter how well you planned to confront your friend, I suspect it would turn out badly, and you would be the one to come off as the unreasonable one. So think about all the anger and betrayal you feel, and confront your own self. Think about the kind of friends you choose and whether you could be wiser about it. You can never change other people, no matter how forceful your argument, but you can change things about yourself that seem to work against you. Until you can accept that things happen that really are unfair, forgive the perpetrator, feel a quiet calmness within, you will have to continue to deal with some issues of your own. This is not advice that solves this problem right away, but it may solve a life's worth of disappointments. Your pastor (if you don't have one, find one) knows all about life's betrayals and will be able to walk you through this into the building of a strong and beautiful character. Choose to grow rather than to hit.
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