Inside the Issue - Dear Sam
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Do you have a question about how Christianity can be applied in your daily life?  Read some questions and answers from RLC's column in the Pembroke Observer and feel free to ask your own questions!  This Blog will give you a sample of some past columns.


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Disillusioned- November 13, 2010
January 16, 2011

Dear Sam,

  No matter how hard I try I just can’t succeed. I’m better at my job than my co-workers, but they are the ones who are liked by the boss. I put everything into my marriage, but my husband will not appreciate it. My children (grown) resent me although I’m always helping them. And I’m really angry with God because I thought that he would reward me for all the good things I do. What’s wrong with everybody? What should I do?
   -Disillusioned -

Dear Disillusioned,

  Your signature says volumes. You obviously had a picture of what life would be like if you were a good, a better, person. But the good and better seems to be in comparison to other people, instead of a personal development. It really is hard to like and appreciate someone whose whole stance is one that screams “I’m better than you”. When you behave in a certain way in order to prove your worth you have just proved that you actually don’t believe that you are worthy just because you exist. And so you let other people know that unless they behave in a way that you approve of, they are lesser beings.
   It’s a vicious cycle that can only be broken by you.
   An interesting reality of life is that all relationships work on a balance system. If you grab all the goodness there is none left for the other person(s). If your children are grown, then they should be encouraged and allowed to help themselves and also to help you. It sounds as if your message to them is “You can’t manage without me. You are inferior and I am superior.” Would you resent someone who said that to you?
If your marriage functions solely because of you, what do you need a husband for? What can he add to the marriage if you have claimed everything to be dependent on you? You leave him no room to bring anything of value to the relationship. Your marriage is not balanced.
   Perhaps your boss at work feels that you are not a team player, wanting all accolades for yourself. That’s hard on a boss who is trying to get everyone to work together, to share the glory of a job well done. His liking the others may be his way of making them feel as if their contribution is valid.
   Some things to think about from a different perspective. A perspective is a way of looking at things, and maybe you need to alter your picture and your expectations. Maybe you need to let other people offer something good, not because they are in competition with you (you will make sure you win), but because they are actually competent human beings.
This you doubt, but it’s time to let go of your disdain of others and start allowing them to live in concert with you, adding their talents and gifts to your isolated and meagre existence. This will be very difficult for you. Our illusions are our gods, but your god has proved ineffective and incorrect. This dis-illusionment has come to save you. Take advantage of it. Work this out with a counsellor, with someone who knows and understands things you don’t. That will begin the process of allowing someone else to be better than you at something. Scary! But this is your only hope to succeed at life and relationships.

INSIDE THE ISSUE is authored thru Resurrection Lutheran Church. 250 Quarry Rd. Pembroke. Sunday Worship at 10:30am.


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