Inside the Issue - Dear Sam
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Do you have a question about how Christianity can be applied in your daily life?  Read some questions and answers from RLC's column in the Pembroke Observer and feel free to ask your own questions!  This Blog will give you a sample of some past columns.



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Broken-Hearted- August 21st, 2010
September 2, 2010

Dear Sam,

  My boyfriend and I had been together for four years when he decided that he was not ready to commit, so I called it quits. I think I was right, but here it is a year later and not a day goes by that I don’t think of him, blame myself and feel hopeless about the future. How long does it take to get over this?

Broken-hearted


Dear Broken,

  The heart is such a tender organ. A mistaken idea can be healed more easily and quickly than a broken heart. That’s because “where your heart is, there will your treasure be” (Mt 6:21). What I mean by that is that an idea is about you, but your heart is your real identity. After four years to realize that the future you had invested in was not going to materialize is a crushing blow. But it also sounds like you have enough of an identity in yourself to be able to walk away from a relationship that is going nowhere. Maybe this is why it is so difficult for you - you are not a game-player or a fake. If you were, you could shrug your shoulders, be really angry, and go look for a new game to play. How long? It depends on several factors: do you have a supportive network of people around you? Supportive does not mean people who will sympathize with you and call him bad names. It means people (including a counsellor or pastor) who will help you to look at each broken piece of your heart and encourage you to learn something of value from your experience. How long depends on whether your “script” in life is one of suffering (the expectation of things going wrong), of atonement (needing to make up for something you think you’ve done wrong), of unforgiveness of him or yourself, of how much you idealized him (saw him as the saviour of your existence). These deep beliefs and attendant behaviours will sabotage you every time. Be bold in discovering what is really going on inside your mind and emotions. This painful experience might be salvaged by allowing you the opportunity to uncover some hidden secrets inside yourself.
   You say you are blaming yourself. but I’d like you to examine your part in the whole relationship. An honest examination will reveal not only your errors but also the things that you did right, like leave when you did.
The only thing you are correct in feeling hopeless about is about the two of you being together. Be careful not to pin “hopeless” on other areas of your life. That would be incorrect. Find something that is realistic to hope for and focus on that. Find things to be proud of in yourself.
   Faith and hopelessness cannot coexist. Obviously it isn’t realistic to have faith in your self-laid plans for the future that involve other people who have a say. But you can have faith that there is a God who loves you, who has plans for you that will be better than anything you can imagine. Make an effort to build up your faith and walk toward it. This will keep you from looking backward to the past.


INSIDE THE ISSUE is authored thru Resurrection Lutheran Church, 250 Quarry Rd, Pembroke. Sunday worship at 10:30am. http://sites.advancedministry.com/ResurrectionLutheranChurch

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