Inside the Issue - Dear Sam
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Do you have a question about how Christianity can be applied in your daily life?  Read some questions and answers from RLC's column in the Pembroke Observer and feel free to ask your own questions!  This Blog will give you a sample of some past columns.


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Alone- December 11, 2010
January 16, 2011

Dear Sam,

  I look around and see all kinds of people in relationships that keep them from being alone and deprived. I look at myself and wonder why I can’t have that. There is nothing particularly wrong with me in intelligence or looks or decency, but apparently no one is drawn to me. With the holidays approaching I am feeling more and more lonely and even angry that I am denied the normal companionship of life. What should I do?

Dear Alone,

  Yes, the holidays can summon up these feelings because it’s so easy to compare ourselves to those who are complaining that there are too many gifts to buy, too many party invitations, too many demands of friends and family. And here you are, with too few. On the one hand, such is life. On the other hand, maybe there are some ways you can gain a new perspective and maybe even alter your reality somewhat.
   Take another look at your letter and underline certain key words - look around (compare), alone, deprived, not drawn to me, angry, denied. These words will help you to get a grasp on your inner self-talk, which often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You see nothing specifically wrong with yourself, yet no one will connect with you in a way that brings you satisfaction.
   So, why don’t you go at it the other way around, and determine to give satisfaction to others. Now I realize that working in the soup kitchen is not the same as having a hot and heavy relationship with a dream-boat, but until you start to mix things up a bit, you will remain caught in the quick-sand of changelessness.
   Stop depending on other people to make your life relationally successful. They are failing at their job anyway. Take the initiative and decide to throw a party, give gifts to unlikely persons, or any other creative opposite of loneliness. The extent to which you argue the impossibility of these alterations of life-style will tell you how much you are satisfied to complain rather than attack the issue head-on. Maybe relationships elude you because you actually don’t want anyone else telling you what to do or how to be. Real relationships that last and are valuable are the crucibles in which we are re-made by the addition of someone else’s personality and needs and chemistry. As long as you insist that you are untouchable in intellect, looks and decency, no one will touch you. Begin to find areas in your personhood that could stand some sprucing up and start exercising some flexibility and enhancement. Even if others don’t beat down your door with appreciation of the new you, it’s possible that you would be pleased and give yourself the right to be happy outside of those damning comparisons. Maybe you have been looking for something other than real life with all its complexity, uniqueness and troubles.
   God, who created life and is the only one who knows how it works to best advantage, told us in his Word that we can only be fulfilled by being thankful in all circumstances, learning to be content no matter what situation we are in. That’s not easy, nor does it make a lot of sense when we focus on what others have. But its very difficulty is an exciting challenge that forces vision, determination, creativity and real aliveness. Do not deny yourself the opportunity to engage in real aliveness.

INSIDE THE ISSUE is authored thru Resurrection Lutheran Church, 250 Quarry Rd, Pembroke.
Sunday Worship at 10:30am.


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